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Side B
Your name is Dave Strider and you, more than anyone else, know that it's crunch time.
After years of fucking around, your listless hunk of rock is buzzing like a hive of bees with a dick stuck in it. Rose has been hauling her massive book with her everywhere, scribbling like that will actually help. Kanaya has been following, chainsaw at the ready in case any batshit clowns are simply unable to control their bloodlust for books. The other day Karkat smashed the shit out the kitchen during his 'training'.
It's T-minus 2 months until you reach the New Session. You could get way more specific than that, listing the hours and minutes, but there's not much point. You have a riddcucrunk understanding of how time works; Two months or two weeks, it's still lurking around the corner with a baseball bat at the ready.
If it were up to you, you'd stop the clock for a bit. The whole lot of you are a bunch of kids with weapons they don't really know how to use. You're just not ready for the New Session, which is assuming Bec Noir doesn't slaughter you all like he did Bro before you even get that far.
But this is as long as your time-out lasts. Three years, that's it. It's not half enough time but at least everyone else has found their own ways to prep for it. Rose has her book, Terezi has her bubbles, Kanaya has about eighty new dresses and a stupidly well oiled chainsaw. Fuck, even Karkat has been psyching himself up in memos. You're never sure if the Mayor knows what you're saying half the time, but he's been building like mad so maybe he does.
You're not sure exactly what you should be doing though. You want to train nonstop until you're a better fighter than Bro ever was, you want to goof off for eternity and forget everything. You want to find that cheap Bro imitation and punch him in the face and then never acknowledge the fact that he exists again.
You want to kiss Terezi Pyrope on the mouth.
Which totally isn't going to help you beat Noir. You'd still like to do it.
You've been spending more time with her lately. When she's got you blindfolded or you're showing her how to work the turntables, you don't think about the way his sword was sticking out of his chest. She's such a weirdo that you can't focus on anything but her when she's there. Hanging with Terezi is just easy. Fuck, even Noir doesn't seem like that big a deal when you talk about it to her.
But even though she's as potent as a shot to the face, you also appreciate that behind the rotating rows of razors in her mouth and the Wicked Witch of the Saliva cackle she also seems to be the only other person on the rock who is genuinely worried.
Rose has her haughty 'I see the future but I don't' thing going on and the only thing bothering Kanaya is a clown you haven't even seen in three years. It's harder to tell with Karkat, maybe he's worried or maybe his aneurism was inspired by a particularly offensive speck of dirt.
Terezi's obviously wary though. You've seen her watching out for dream bubbles, trying to snag any bit of information she can, or sometimes just looking out behind the meteor for the dot of green.
You're not sure if what you feel about that is what trolls mean by pity or not. And you sure as hell aren't going to ask or you'll be locked in a room with Vantas for the next week.
Either way her horror-flick eyes are impossible to read behind the red tint of her glasses as she stares in your direction, but the rest of her face paints a pretty clear picture if she's willing to let it. So it's pretty clear she thinks this was a cool idea. Or at least that she's willing to go along with it.
The plate of sushi is a miniscule maki roll bonanza, because those are the only ones you remember. Like all alchemized food it's a bit off. You're not sure what happened to the crab and the seaweed looks suspiciously purple. You still hunch on either side of the small table and reach over it to adjust her spindly hands.
DAVE: no you have to use the chopsticks
DAVE: if you dont mr roboto comes and kills you in your sleep for being a racist
TEREZI: MR ROBOTO COULDN'T T4K3 M3 ON, PL34S3 D4V3 B3 R34L1ST1C
She clearly doesn't get the purpose of chopsticks, and you never got it that much either but this is supposed to be a learning experience so you're making her use them.
It's also supposed to be an exercise in fucking around, in stopping Terezi from staring off the edge of the meteor into hell darkness and in hiding from Rose, who you know wants you for some actually important shit. Like to be her personal countdown clock.
DAVE: no one can beat roboto okay im trying to protect you here just use the fucking chopsticks
TEREZI: 1 KNOW YOU 4R3
She laughs like a machine gun, her whole body shaking with her, and you've never been so attracted to someone in your life.
You've had crushes before, sure. There was that kind of plump girl at your school who wore blue lipstick and that other Asian girl a grade up from you. Hell, there was even that one dream about Snoop Dogg that you Do Not Think About.
But none of those crushes steamrolled you the way Terezi does and you're not quite sure how to deal with it. Half the time you want to smack yourself upside the head because you're being such a tool. But hey, it's not like you had hoards of other kids your age to learn proper behavior from. The only other guy you've seen in three years thinks flipping tables is acceptable dinnertime manners.
TEREZI: BUT 1'LL B3 F1N3
TEREZI: 1'V3 PROT3CT3D MYS3LF B3FOR3
Terezi sets down her chopsticks and grabs a piece of maki with her fingers, chomping down on it before you can say a word. Judging by her jaw motions she purees it for good measure before tilting her head contemplatively and then grinning, little purple bits still between her teeth.
TEREZI: SURPR1S1NGLY GOOD! 1 L1K3 TH3 FUZZY C3NT3R
DAVE: dont come crying to me when roboto comes for you
You use your own chopsticks to pick up a piece, but you're not sure you have the guts to actually mow down. It looks pretty fucking poisonous. You're sure the patron saint of pica will be fine but you doubt your stomach has the same constitution.
She leans in close enough that, even behind her glasses, you can see the eerie red rings in her slightly less red eyes and the places where her thick black lipstick has succumbed to her saliva barrage. She has massive curling eyelashes that are a mascara commercial's wet dream and her skin looks a bit like leather.
You try and fail not to consider that she can probably smell if someone wants to mack on her.
TEREZI: 3V3N 1F 1 1NT3ND3D TO CRY TO YOU L1K3 SOM3 M4NN3R OF WR1GGL3R 1 WOULDN'T N33D TO, YOU'D B3 R1GHT TH3R3 4NYW4YS
TEREZI: 4ND YOU H4V3 MY P3RM1SS1ON TH1S T1M3! YOU'R3 W3LCOM3
DAVE: for what getting to be the great fetish lawyers meatshield
DAVE: thanks girl you treat me so right letting me jump in front of your bullets
TEREZI: 1TS NOT 4N HONOR 1 G1V3 TO JUST 4NYON3! 1N F4CT 1 H4V3 ONLY 3V3R 4SK3D TWO P3OPL3 TO F1GHT 4LONGS1D3 M3
TEREZI: TH3 F1GHT W1TH TH3 BL4CK K1NG N4TUR4LLY B31NG 3XCLUD3D
DAVE: what
TEREZI: OH COM3 ON!
TEREZI: 1'M SUR3 4 COOLK1D L1K3 YOU H4S 4 B3TT3R R3SPONS3 TH4N TH4T!
You honestly don't know why you keep surrounding yourself with double talking assholes, maybe it's a birds of a feather thing. But from what you can tell, you're 100% sure she isn't talking about Mr. Roboto right now and about 30% sure she wants you to kiss her.
She's gotten even closer to you, or maybe in your desperate bid to win Tool Academy: Meteor Edition you've gotten closer to her, you can't tell. You drop your sushi on the ground, securing your win and she smiles in a way that lacks any of her usual mania. You guess there's only really one thing left to do.
You kiss the girl.
It's hardly gonna help you beat the game and it's a pretty shitty first kiss, but when she grabs your face with two hands and pulls you closer to her, knocking the plate to the side in the process, you feel you've made good use of crunch time.
You're ready to take on anything the New Session can throw at you and more.
==>
After years of fucking around, your listless hunk of rock is buzzing like a hive of bees with a dick stuck in it. Rose has been hauling her massive book with her everywhere, scribbling like that will actually help. Kanaya has been following, chainsaw at the ready in case any batshit clowns are simply unable to control their bloodlust for books. The other day Karkat smashed the shit out the kitchen during his 'training'.
It's T-minus 2 months until you reach the New Session. You could get way more specific than that, listing the hours and minutes, but there's not much point. You have a riddcucrunk understanding of how time works; Two months or two weeks, it's still lurking around the corner with a baseball bat at the ready.
If it were up to you, you'd stop the clock for a bit. The whole lot of you are a bunch of kids with weapons they don't really know how to use. You're just not ready for the New Session, which is assuming Bec Noir doesn't slaughter you all like he did Bro before you even get that far.
But this is as long as your time-out lasts. Three years, that's it. It's not half enough time but at least everyone else has found their own ways to prep for it. Rose has her book, Terezi has her bubbles, Kanaya has about eighty new dresses and a stupidly well oiled chainsaw. Fuck, even Karkat has been psyching himself up in memos. You're never sure if the Mayor knows what you're saying half the time, but he's been building like mad so maybe he does.
You're not sure exactly what you should be doing though. You want to train nonstop until you're a better fighter than Bro ever was, you want to goof off for eternity and forget everything. You want to find that cheap Bro imitation and punch him in the face and then never acknowledge the fact that he exists again.
You want to kiss Terezi Pyrope on the mouth.
Which totally isn't going to help you beat Noir. You'd still like to do it.
You've been spending more time with her lately. When she's got you blindfolded or you're showing her how to work the turntables, you don't think about the way his sword was sticking out of his chest. She's such a weirdo that you can't focus on anything but her when she's there. Hanging with Terezi is just easy. Fuck, even Noir doesn't seem like that big a deal when you talk about it to her.
But even though she's as potent as a shot to the face, you also appreciate that behind the rotating rows of razors in her mouth and the Wicked Witch of the Saliva cackle she also seems to be the only other person on the rock who is genuinely worried.
Rose has her haughty 'I see the future but I don't' thing going on and the only thing bothering Kanaya is a clown you haven't even seen in three years. It's harder to tell with Karkat, maybe he's worried or maybe his aneurism was inspired by a particularly offensive speck of dirt.
Terezi's obviously wary though. You've seen her watching out for dream bubbles, trying to snag any bit of information she can, or sometimes just looking out behind the meteor for the dot of green.
You're not sure if what you feel about that is what trolls mean by pity or not. And you sure as hell aren't going to ask or you'll be locked in a room with Vantas for the next week.
Either way her horror-flick eyes are impossible to read behind the red tint of her glasses as she stares in your direction, but the rest of her face paints a pretty clear picture if she's willing to let it. So it's pretty clear she thinks this was a cool idea. Or at least that she's willing to go along with it.
The plate of sushi is a miniscule maki roll bonanza, because those are the only ones you remember. Like all alchemized food it's a bit off. You're not sure what happened to the crab and the seaweed looks suspiciously purple. You still hunch on either side of the small table and reach over it to adjust her spindly hands.
DAVE: no you have to use the chopsticks
DAVE: if you dont mr roboto comes and kills you in your sleep for being a racist
TEREZI: MR ROBOTO COULDN'T T4K3 M3 ON, PL34S3 D4V3 B3 R34L1ST1C
She clearly doesn't get the purpose of chopsticks, and you never got it that much either but this is supposed to be a learning experience so you're making her use them.
It's also supposed to be an exercise in fucking around, in stopping Terezi from staring off the edge of the meteor into hell darkness and in hiding from Rose, who you know wants you for some actually important shit. Like to be her personal countdown clock.
DAVE: no one can beat roboto okay im trying to protect you here just use the fucking chopsticks
TEREZI: 1 KNOW YOU 4R3
She laughs like a machine gun, her whole body shaking with her, and you've never been so attracted to someone in your life.
You've had crushes before, sure. There was that kind of plump girl at your school who wore blue lipstick and that other Asian girl a grade up from you. Hell, there was even that one dream about Snoop Dogg that you Do Not Think About.
But none of those crushes steamrolled you the way Terezi does and you're not quite sure how to deal with it. Half the time you want to smack yourself upside the head because you're being such a tool. But hey, it's not like you had hoards of other kids your age to learn proper behavior from. The only other guy you've seen in three years thinks flipping tables is acceptable dinnertime manners.
TEREZI: BUT 1'LL B3 F1N3
TEREZI: 1'V3 PROT3CT3D MYS3LF B3FOR3
Terezi sets down her chopsticks and grabs a piece of maki with her fingers, chomping down on it before you can say a word. Judging by her jaw motions she purees it for good measure before tilting her head contemplatively and then grinning, little purple bits still between her teeth.
TEREZI: SURPR1S1NGLY GOOD! 1 L1K3 TH3 FUZZY C3NT3R
DAVE: dont come crying to me when roboto comes for you
You use your own chopsticks to pick up a piece, but you're not sure you have the guts to actually mow down. It looks pretty fucking poisonous. You're sure the patron saint of pica will be fine but you doubt your stomach has the same constitution.
She leans in close enough that, even behind her glasses, you can see the eerie red rings in her slightly less red eyes and the places where her thick black lipstick has succumbed to her saliva barrage. She has massive curling eyelashes that are a mascara commercial's wet dream and her skin looks a bit like leather.
You try and fail not to consider that she can probably smell if someone wants to mack on her.
TEREZI: 3V3N 1F 1 1NT3ND3D TO CRY TO YOU L1K3 SOM3 M4NN3R OF WR1GGL3R 1 WOULDN'T N33D TO, YOU'D B3 R1GHT TH3R3 4NYW4YS
TEREZI: 4ND YOU H4V3 MY P3RM1SS1ON TH1S T1M3! YOU'R3 W3LCOM3
DAVE: for what getting to be the great fetish lawyers meatshield
DAVE: thanks girl you treat me so right letting me jump in front of your bullets
TEREZI: 1TS NOT 4N HONOR 1 G1V3 TO JUST 4NYON3! 1N F4CT 1 H4V3 ONLY 3V3R 4SK3D TWO P3OPL3 TO F1GHT 4LONGS1D3 M3
TEREZI: TH3 F1GHT W1TH TH3 BL4CK K1NG N4TUR4LLY B31NG 3XCLUD3D
DAVE: what
TEREZI: OH COM3 ON!
TEREZI: 1'M SUR3 4 COOLK1D L1K3 YOU H4S 4 B3TT3R R3SPONS3 TH4N TH4T!
You honestly don't know why you keep surrounding yourself with double talking assholes, maybe it's a birds of a feather thing. But from what you can tell, you're 100% sure she isn't talking about Mr. Roboto right now and about 30% sure she wants you to kiss her.
She's gotten even closer to you, or maybe in your desperate bid to win Tool Academy: Meteor Edition you've gotten closer to her, you can't tell. You drop your sushi on the ground, securing your win and she smiles in a way that lacks any of her usual mania. You guess there's only really one thing left to do.
You kiss the girl.
It's hardly gonna help you beat the game and it's a pretty shitty first kiss, but when she grabs your face with two hands and pulls you closer to her, knocking the plate to the side in the process, you feel you've made good use of crunch time.
You're ready to take on anything the New Session can throw at you and more.
==>